More Jokes....

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More Jokes....

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. It's easy being a soap dodger.
3. You get to eat shitty little things like snails and frog's legs.
4. You know what you are ordering in expensive restaurants.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons far away from your own doorstep.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in a hole.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're crap.

Top 47 oxymoron's

47. Act naturally
46. Found missing
45. Resident alien
44. Advanced BASIC
43. Genuine imitation
42. Airline Food
41. Good grief
40. Same difference
39. Almost exactly
38. Government organization
37. Sanitary landfill
36. Alone together
35. Legally drunk
34. Silent scream
33. American history
32. Living dead
31. Small crowd
30. Business ethics
29. Soft rock
28. Butt Head
27. Military Intelligence
26. Software documentation
25. New York culture
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
09. Political science
08. Tight slacks
07. Definite maybe
06. Pretty ugly
05. Twelve-ounce pound cake
04. Diet ice cream
03. Working vacation
02. Exact estimate

And the Number one top OXY-Moron

01. Microsoft Works

Final exams

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers."

The dead lawyer

A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing you say that."

Haircuts - The difference between men and women

Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror.
I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to
have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I
mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had
your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men's version:
Man2: Haircut?
Man1: Yeah.